Some people think I’m lucky….

…to be so ‘small‘ after having a child. Most people that didn’t know me when I was pregnant just assume I was one of those people that just walked out of the hospital in my pre-prego jeans. Unfortunately, I was not.

I gained a total of 54lbs during my pregnancy so I went from 130lbs (which I am at now) to 184lbs in 9 months. So while I am lucky that I was blessed /w a beautiful and healthy son not all my weight loss was strictly b/c I had “good genes”. It was hard work.

This is a photo of me @ 39 weeks pregnant. Logan was born @ 42 weeks so you can imagine how gigantic I was by the end.

holding on to this thing was difficult – let me tell you

The next two photos were taken the day after I gave birth to Logan, January 11th 2010; who weighed in @ 8lbs 9oz. I had imediately dropped 20lbs upon delivery leaving me at a whooping 165lbs. Can you believe I actually thought I was soooo skinny and actually requested Colin take the vertical photo of me?! 

you will note the double thumbs up even after 15 hr child labour!

When I looked down at Little Lo my weight was the furtherest thing from my mind. He was kinda prune-esq b/c he was sitting in my “water” for an extra 2 weeks. He is beautiful nonetheless. Such a gift!

literally minutes after he was born and already a very happy & content baby
Almost ready to go home the following day – isn’t his outfit cute?!

As much as I was finding my place as a mother I still looked like I was pregnant month after month. I continued to breast feed but remained around 150lbs for quite some time.

I started smoking again b/c I was so depressed about how I looked and it blossomed into self-hate. I won’t lie it sounds weird but Logan really held me together. Even though in my mind the pregnancy was the reason for my body not looking the way it had pre-pregnancy. I was used to getting attention b/c of how my body looked and thus my self-esteem and how skinny I was had formed a exponential relationship. When I felt fat – I felt sad. Colin was so supportive the whole time but when you feel gross about your body there’s not much someone else can do about it. 
hopefully no one is offended by this shirt but I thought it was awesome!

In June Colin’s brother was getting married and I really wanted to look “hot”. Logan was 5 months old then and due to the breast feeding making me hold extra fat I just couldn’t shake those last 20 lbs. I wasn’t doing much to get rid of them though. Logan was slowly becoming a little person and I really started to fall in love /w being a mom to him. I assure you it had nothing to do /w the fact that this was the time he began sleeping through the night 😉

At the wedding I finally felt kinda sexy. It was a feeling I hadn’t felt in over a year. I bought a dress that kinda poof-ed out at the waist and gave the illusion I was much smaller than I was AND I had breasts b/c of the milk 😀 When I look back I probably should’ve spent more time enjoying that I had breasts and less time focusing on how fat I felt. Everyone at the wedding complimented me and I just soaked it up. I was finally getting the validation I still craved whether that was good for me or not, I don’t know. 

When Logan hit 6 months old I finally decided I couldn’t keep breast feeding him. He wasn’t enjoying the fact that my milk wouldn’t let down as much either (due to the cigarettes). I had no issues weaning him and did it slowly; dropping one feed per week or two. Below is a photo of me the weekend I decided I was done /w the extra “milk fat” I was actually embarrassed to post this photo but hey, that’s what I looked like. I had also signed up for a women’s fitness class in hopes it would bring me some much needed self-esteem. It didn’t. I just constantly compared myself to the other girls and felt disgusting. So I stopped going.

At the time of Logan’s first birthday I had gone back to working part-time and was finally at a normal weight; 142lbs. I had lost nearly 42lbs just by being me. I suppose most people would kill for those genetics but I still didn’t look or feel like the person I once was. The last 12 lbs were obviously b/c I ate so much food during and after pregnancy and did NO exercise whatsoever. However, I was still so depressed, having lost all of my friends and not knowing anyone else /w kids. I found it hard to do anything else after focusing on Logan all day long and working at night. (Yes, I gave myself bangs and dyed my hair dark I think I was trying to rebel against the old me).

Logan looking confused about his cake

In March of 2011 I quit smoking. Ontario hosts the “Driven to Quit Challenge” every March, where if you sign up and quit smoking for the entire month of March you have the chance of winning a brand new car. Cigarettes were one of the only things Colin and I ever fought about (now it’s money :P). He didn’t want Logan exposed to cigarettes and though I never smoked around Logan, an addiction is just that; an addiction and Logan was losing to it. I decided that this provided me /w the perfect opportunity to give up smoking once and for all (as I had “quit” more than 15 times previously with no success) and I haven’t smoked since. YAY! 😀

At the end of March Colin & I decided that we were going to get married in Hawaii and so I went out and found my dress. It was an off-the-rack Allure dress and it had a corset back which made it fit me perfectly. I didn’t like the dress completely but the seamstress was on hand and assured me she could make the dress into what I had pictured in my mind [if you haven’t visited my wedding page – please do so and you can see the final product] so I decided to buy it and paid only $250 for it – SCORE!

With the prospect of our up coming trip and my wedding day I decided it was time to do something about those last 12 lbs. I began counting my calorie intake and exercising DAILY. I began running on the spot before and after every work out. I went for long walks /w Logan & Rex. We went for family bike rides. I bought the weight watchers body composition scale and used a tape measure to track my weight and inches. By the time Hawaii hit I weighed in at 128lbs and had lost 5 inches off my stomach, 3 off my hips, 2 off my bust (dammit) and 3 off my thigh. I felt GREAT! *Edit* – I just want everyone to know that the seamstress had to take my dress in on 3 occasions! 😀

me on a road side beach in Hawaii testing out my new muscles on a rope swing

The journey was difficult but I think having the smoking cessasion, the wedding and hawaii all coming up at once gave me the personal motivation I needed to start down the road to healthy living and fitness. Being able to SEE the results is what keeps me going. I now have a picture of my POST pregnancy self that I will hold close to my heart for the rest of my life b/c yes, I am pretty hot for a mom on the outside but I now realize how amazingly sexy I AM on the inside.

———————————————————————————

Questions:

1. How do you stay motivated to keep fit and healthy??

2. Do you think you would feel the same about yourself if you didn’t look good on the outside?? 

– it’s something I’ve always struggled /w so I’d really like to know everyone’s thoughts on it. :) Thanks

27 thoughts on “Some people think I’m lucky….

  1. Dang girl! That last picture is pretty hot for a mom/running blog :)

    I freaking love the Mutha Sucka shirt.

    I have no such post pregnancy story after I popped out mine, but I loved reading yours!

  2. @Kara – ya, I thought it may be "too much" but I am so proud. so whatever let the internet pervs creep away 😉 lol

    and kara if you are training for an ultra marathon I will assume you ran THROUGH your pregnancy 😛 you bad ass!

  3. What a story. I'm actually really interested in how different people handle their pregnancy weight. Jay and I would like to start our own little family some time… and I've wondered what/how I would handle the weight gain. You look so amazing and hot and on top of that to quit smoking… dang, you're just incredible, Ali!!!

    And yeah, I think appearance is hugely connected to self-esteem… probably more than it should be for me… but I think that some of that is healthy, or we'd all walk around looking like bums. :) I feel good, no I feel great, when I'm looking good… and even when I feel like I look fit or thin, I guess the trick is to not obsess over it… or whatever.

    That last picture… smokin' hot.

  4. Sooo ya where in the world were you in that last picture? I need to take my wife on a honeymoon next year and I want to take her to that exact spot!

    Which island in Hawaii? Any suggestions? I would love to surprise her with a trip to a place just like that!

  5. @Jessica @ rerunrunning – Thanks Jess :) I think you're right. Maybe it's (the relationship btwn self esteem and looks) is unavoidable to a certain extent. I don't think you'd gain as much weight while pregnant b/c you are active.

    It's hard to say, but your body will never been what it was. Having a child is very hard on a woman both physically and mentally but at least you know you can talk to me when/if you ever decide to get pregnant 😀

    @Ed – well Ed, I recommend you follow some of the hawaii links on this post. I would just have to say that ALL of the islands are most likely beautiful as Hawaii is a pristine paradise!

    The beach I am on in the last picture is "waimanalo beach" in Oahu. it is the beahc we got married on AND rented a beach house on. Highly recommend renting a beach front property as opposed to a resort in Waikiki or Honolulu unless that's your cup of tea

  6. This is one of my favorite posts! I love how the just the pictures are like a story of your transformation! I love the confused cake picture. ;P
    By the way, is anything holding you into that rope swing cause I am terrified just looking at that picture right now. lol

  7. I'm still at the breastfeeding, holding on to weight, not fitting in my clothes, not too happy about it stage. I'm working on it though.

  8. @Garden Girl☺ – nothing is holding me onto the rope just my buff arms 😛 but a tree is holding the rope :) and thank you so much. I felt it was about time to show everyone the weaker parts of Ali

    @Sarah – I'd love to say "don't worry it'll pass" but I hated every person that would say that to me. They were right though. It also really depends on how your body handles pregnancy and breast feeding. So many moms told me I'd lose weight breast feeding while others said it would fall off after. Mine was after. and don't worry you WILL eventually fit into your clothes again. I remember what it was like to fell like I'd never fit into them again….but I think if anything I look better now than I did before! So don't worry :)

  9. Hey Al!
    I know your weight loss journey wasn't easy and I think you should be very proud of yourself. Congrats! This is such a nice post too :)

  10. Oh gosh…this post was really amazing. You should be totally proud of yourself–you look GORGEOUS! It definitely isnt the easiest to lose weight but you really stuck with it and got great results!

    ive never been preggo yet but im hoping to remain active when I do…it feels good to get a realistic point of view unlike celebrities who bounce back their bodies in record timing..they can afford alot of things to make that happen…i really enjoyed this post, congrats on your beautiful family and all that youve accomplished :) you ROCK!

  11. @Nicole Grace McLean – Hey thanks Nic! I am proud 😀 xox

    @Garden Girl☺ – HAHAHAHA ….I am kinda like you, but I did it anyway…it did scare me though and I definitely made Colin go first.

    @Theresa – Thanks Theresa I think the key to a healthy pregnancy is being active like you said. I just didn't do anything. lol Some people probably do bounce right back but It took me over a year before I felt "normal" again :)

    @Kara – Ya that's my fear /w the next baby (IF we have another) what if I can't run?? but 6 weeks after! you are amazing….my lower regions were still quite tender to say the LEAST at 6 weeks LOL

  12. Ali, I love your story! What a road: running, health, hotness, and even quitting smoking! AMAZING.

    I stay motivated to keep running by continuing to race. I love the competition!

    I think my self esteem and confidence are very much wrapped up in how I think I look (Sad? Maybe not…maybe that's just normal. Not sure). I know I've been hard on myself and my body before, and that was a tough place to be. I try to focus on just being me, and being happy to be me, and being grateful for the people who love me whether I'm winning or losing races, looking good or looking gross. Not always easy to do. Running injuries have really put this to the test in the past for me. That's just part of the deal (for me), I guess.

  13. @Cecily @ http://www.rerunrunning.com – how did I not see this! thanks so much for the compliments girl 😀 I think that most women find their self-esteem and how they look to be all jumbled up together…and you are so right. I now know who my true friends are and most of them are family 😉 lol …..it kinda sucks that I was left /w not too many friends. Just shows how shallow people are.

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  16. The last picture is smokin’! I enjoyed reading this post-pregnancy story and it makes me feel less bad about my own. :) Thank you for sharing the link in today’s post!

  17. Great post! You should be proud of what you accompished, both inside and outside. At least I now know what to expect post pregnancy (when that time comes). Genetics and I are in a disagreement right now, so I can only imagine.

  18. You look like a model on the beach in Hawaii! It’s funny how you talk about how you were often complimented on your looks prior to being pregnant, so it was hard for you. That’s how it was for me in my hometown. I was used to constantly being told that I was pretty by all my guy friends…then I moved to California and NO ONE told me I was pretty. I remember that it really affected my self-esteem. It made me sad! And then I realized that I shouldn’t be relying on others for MY self-esteem! Even though I realized that, it was still hard…till I just got used to it. I’m glad that now I can be confident without all the compliments, but it really was very hard for me at the time, so I hear ya!

  19. Wow, Ali! Thank you for sharing and being so real. First of all, HOW did anyone let you go to 42 weeks??? You poor, poor soul… you must have been dying! The Motha Sucka onesie is amazing… you must tell me where you got it. Congratulations on all your weight loss success- you look amazing and will be a healthy, inspiring role model to your son. xx

  20. You are an inspiration!!! Beautiful pictures!!! Congratulations in your weigh loss!!! You have a beautiful family!!! You Rock señorita!!!

  21. Aww you have such an awesome story! It’s great that you shared it, I think a lot of people feel the same way you did post-baby but it’s not always something people talk about. I don’t have any babies (yet!) myself, but it’s definitely something I worry about – I’ve worked hard to get fit, I think it would be really hard to deal with the changes in your body that pregnancy brings. Anyway, you look amazing and I’m glad to hear that things have worked out so well for you! You should be very proud, you’re an awesome role model for others!

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