I deserve a good vent…

Over the past two weeks I’ve felt extremely uneasy and down. I never get depressed anymore but I definitely still alternate between periods of extreme happiness and lulls that aren’t nearly as happy feeling. If you’d like to see how I’m feeling add me on dailymilehow often I workout is a direct result of how I’m feeling about myself.

* I couldn’t sleep last night and therefore had to sacrifice my morning workout – I hope to do my speedwork while Logan naps [crosses fingers]

Periods of reflection often result in less time exercising and times when I have more energy and feel excited I workout more to gain balance. I think the key for me will be when I learn what types of physical activity to do during which periods. For that reason I am really looking forward to November and December, where I’ll have nothing to train for and I can really delve into my fit self to see what comes naturally.

Anyway, as you know I was sick, then I got my period and we all know how I feel about that 😉 and as mentioned on facebook, I started my week off losing a valued friend acquaintance (in her words). I still don’t feel like my awesome self but I’m definitely on the right track – I find it best to allow myself these “down” periods so that I really sort through my feelings instead of pushing them aside, they’ll eventually come up to bite me, so may as well let them do it right away.

* outside heals all wounds and frees you from addictions and destructive behaviour. FACT.

So because I was feeling so down Lyndsey agreed to meet up with me for a nice relaxing girl talk and a walk along the credit river. I am really excited that our relationship as cousins has become so much more. We were always good friends as children and it’s nice that we both make an effort to get to know each other and hang out as often as we can :)

We walked at this park my brother regularly visits, as he’s been trying to get a 60min walk in every evening for his own good health and lo and behold…..we actually ended up running into him 😉

* don’t take pictures with your phone when people are moving their hands into their pockets – they will suck. 

This turned out to be perfect because as a blogger I now have a picture of Lyndz and me to show you :) you’re welcome.

* we went to starbucks both before and after our hike 😉 lol me and my reusable mug :) 

It is just so nice for me to have girls to talk to that aren’t my mom 😉 Believe it or not I actually have a really difficult time making friends. I really don’t know why that is? most people aren’t as open as I am and therefore just end the relationship and I’m left wondering why. That’s why I love you online buddies :) You make me feel so loved <3

It’s hard making friends when you’re a mom, especially when you’re older and you really know yourself. I know what I want in a friend because I feel like I really know who I am, I know what I’m willing to change or work on, what I’m not. I know what I’m willing to do for another person, what doesn’t fit within my personal boundaries.

Anyway, if anyone wants to be my friend, I need some. I could really use some supportive resources these days :)

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I would like to apologize for the “poor me” vibe of the downer post – as I am usually upbeat and happy however, you guys tell me you like me because I’m myself and honest and no one’s life is happy all the time. So I think it’s time for you guys to give me a virtual hug 😉 

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Questions:

1. do you have a lot of friends?? do you have a group of friends or just a few good ones??

I have a few acquaintances, my mom, my siblings, my husband and Lyndsey. I have been searching for that “best friend” but seeing as I lost mine when I became pregnant they can be hard to both find and replace – I don’t know how you create that with someone when you just can’t. 

2. do you enjoy getting outside in nature?? what’s your favourite out door setting??

I love the forest! I like water and the beach but if I’m 100% truthful to myself there’s nothing like a good mixed forest with a creek meandering through it :) 

3. do you find you fight your “lows” or just relax and work through them??

I always try to relax and FEEL through them. I have learnt (perhaps the hard way) that holding onto feelings and pushing the undesirable ones away can only result in further damage down the line. Visual meditation has helped me greatly in this regard. I also think it extremely important to have some days where you literally sit curled up on the couch eating popcorn and not judging yourself 😉 – you need those sometimes! lol 

4. have you ever lost a good/best/close friend?? to death or from disagreements?? 

Yes, as mentioned above I lost my 2 closest friends, one for my own reasons, one for hers. I’ve been working through forgiveness on these relationships but inside my heart is crushed. (and once again, if I’m honest, if I ever see the one that hurt me I’d like to smack that cocky, arrogant smirk off her heartless face….and most likely will :P)

40 thoughts on “I deserve a good vent…

  1. I live far away – but you seem pretty cool and I would love to be your friend. I don’t have a tonne of friends (I’ve moved cities a few times in the last 6 years) but the ones I do have I really value.

    I’m glad you were able to get out and have a good chat. I think we all relate to those down times when life is good but we don’t feel good about it.

    • LOL I am pretty cool 😛 lol and moving around must be so difficult. I don’t think I could ever live too far away from my family. and I hear you on valuing what you do have :) I have a great friend in Lyndsey and in some of my other friends too.

  2. Sorry to hear that you’re feeling a little down right now. Thankfully that’ll change soon enough. I don’t have a lot of friends either, but that’s probably by my own choice. I have my family and some co-workers that I’m friendly with but no one that I’d say is my “bestie”. I’m a homebody which I’m sure has a lot to do with it. I’ll be your friend. :) That walk looks like it was really nice. I love taking walks through the forests & trails at this time of year!

    • LOL Sam, I think I’m like that too…..I think I shut people out and stay home an awful lot myself. I guess it’s like I said in my post – I know who I am now….so if someone doesn’t click with me I don’t normally go out of my way to form a deeper connection :)

      and I love walks too! we should go for a run together 😛 which we still haven’t lol

      • Is Colin working thanksgiving Monday? If not perhaps we could hook up in the morning for a short run? I have Scotia the following Sunday so probably 8k would be my limit. Let me know. :)

        • I am doing an Epicure party that night but I may be able to so something in the morning. I am thinking about running the scotia 5k bandit 😉 so I might see you 😛

  3. Sorry you have been feeling down, I hate those days. Move to CA and we can hang out. I think you are pretty cool!
    I have only lived here a year so I have met some great people but don’t have any strong relationships yet. It can be hard. I have a few close friends where we use to live but it is hard only being able to talk on the phone to them.

    • Ya I should move there 😉 lol that is hard when you move. We moved, but not really far away at all ;P lol

      I always try to form close relationships with everyone I meet and I tend to get super excited if the energy clicks and things feel natural :)

  4. 1) I have been blessed in my later life with a lot of very close friends. They have all become like family to me and even come to my family functions. FB has given me many “acquaintances” if I can even call them that… I have one *best* friend who I have known since high school and I work with now.

    2.) I LOVE to hike. Like, I really love it. But I don’t do it often, which is very unfortunate. The woods are so peaceful and beautiful to me.

    3.) I have extreme lows. From bad past experiences with friends and trust issues. I have learned to cope with some things well, but others not so well…

    4.) Both- My best friend from 6th grade on passed away of a brain aneurism when she was only 20 years old. It was devastating.
    I lost a friend last year to trust and betrayal – she was pretty naive about something and it was probably the worst time in my life. I have learned to work past this, but I will never be friends with her again.

    • WOW Maegan! You are one strong cookie! That seems like a lot to deal with. Death is always hard no matter what and betrayal is no fun either. I used to have extreme lows, heck maybe if you ask Colin I still do 😉 lol but as mentioned I truly think they are less intense if I just let them come and go…..when I used to “fight” them it seemed like they’d never leave!

      thanks for sharing :)

  5. For some reason, this post made me want to call my friends. My best friend died when I was 21. She had an organ rupture and died the next day, so it was very unexpected. When I lived in my previous town, I ha a great friend network, but it was hard to replace when we moved. I think I just want the exact same people in a new place, but I know that’s impossible. I’m trying to appreciate living closer to family here, even though the friend factor isn’t as awesome.

    • Well I’d want to call my friends too! and that is sooooo sad Lisa, I really can’t believe you had to go through that. I lost my father suddenly and so I find unexpected death completely different to deal with than slowly watching someone die – they really are so different. I am sorry to hear this.

      I can relate to that – you want your friend group to be the same but it’s just not possible. I’m glad you can still call them from time to time though :) xo

  6. BIG BIG virtual HUG. I lost a very good friend right after I got married and to this day I don’t really get it. She just quit returning phone calls and eventually I quit trying. We had been inseperable before, I don’t know if she just no longer felt a part of my life since I was married and spitting out babies or if I did something else. It’s been seven years and my heart still aches over it. I did some stupid shit before I met my husband and I lost a best friend over that too, I still feel sad about that too. I have a hard time finding close friends so when I find one I hate to lose it.

    LOVE being outside, it is my happy place and my church. I feel closest to God out in nature.

    I have always preferred to have a couple of close friends to a big group, but maybe that is because I am such an introvert!

    • I completely relate to this – I lost my bestest friend since kindergarden as soon as I found out I was pregnant – like literally as soon as I was prego. What a bitch. like you still have no clue why she did that. She said some pretty mean things like “she was sick of having to listen to my feelings” (!!) To this day my heart aches over it as well and that’s the girl I’d love to smack in the face if I ever see her again, as her uncanny ability to just not care about anyone is so painfully obvious on her side-smirked face. I’m a loving person deep down but I seriously hope and pray she gets hers! lol

      I feel so nice reading this comment Christy as I feel the SAME way :)

      I also feel the same way you do about outside…it’s definitely magical.

  7. Oh lovely I wish i didn’t live so far away. I think we all have periods like this. I know since I have moved to Dc i have lacked in the friend department which I think is just really hard! I haven’t felt like I have adjusted yet because I am mostly alone besides work. i think taking time to be with supports is so ideal and I hope you find that.

  8. Sorry you are feeling down. I am glad you are being honest. The people who act happy all the time make me think something is wrong. Nobody is happy all the time. I have a few close friends and you are right, it is hard to find friends after you have kids. Good ones anyways. I love to hike, so the wilderness is my fave. I don’t fight the lows and I have lost friends in the past. Sometimes you just have to let them go when the friendship becomes a one way street or hurtful. Hope you feel better:)

  9. I am a few good friends type of guy, but I usually can get along with most people I meet.

    Nature is my second home, it is why I picked the career I have. Love being outdoors! My favorite outdoor setting would be my new back yard, a cup of coffee and a mild fall morning :)

    I battle lows about twice a month. My anxiety is way more intense and what I have been battling the most. I have my eyes on how to recognize my lows and get through them without destroying what I have built while on a “normal” level.

    I have been lucky, never lost a good friend. Have had some disagreements but on the most part most friendships stuck.

    • Anxiety sucks! I had a panic attack last week, as my family was making us go through old family photos….anyway

      You know I love outside, and you have my dream job 😉

  10. Hey! I’m a friend! (Well at least I consider you one). Even though we’re both horrible at ‘staying connected’, I know we have the type of relationship where we can just call each other and basically pick up from where we left off like no time has passed! :)

    • Of course we’re friends I actually thought there’d be some people telling at me 😉

      But its hard to hang all the time, you’re right though, we are definitely blessed with one of those relationships:)

  11. Here is a big {{{{ HUG }}}} for you!

    I have lots of casual acquaintances, but only a few few FRIENDS. And I have lots of people come and go through my life and I am glad for them all. I like to think that people find each other when they need to and sometimes these friendships can be very meaningful, but fleeting as well.

    I agree that honesty is good – but I also think it can be tempered with filters. I don’t have to tell someone ALL the things I am thinking, if that makes sense. Even if they ask, sometimes. I think people often think they want you to be honest, but they really don’t…

    Hope your day is filled with sunshine! And get out there and burn some calories and get some endorphins going… sunshine and fresh air are so healing.

    My mama used to say that when you are having troubles you should help someone else with theirs… takes your mind off your own and makes you feel better for doing someone else some good.

    Cheers!

    Okay, I need breakfast, obviously.

  12. BIG hugs to you!!! Move to my side of Toronto and I’ll be your friend!

    I’m also one who’s lacking in the friend department… although looking back, I never really seemed to have many friends. I was bullied a lot by the girls in elementary school and high school leaving me really with only 1 good friend by the time my high school days were over. Once I went to university though, we seemed to go our seperate ways. I finally had a great group of girlfriends in university who I was really close with for those amazing 4 years.. but alas.. come graduation time, they sort of stopped talking to me. I was the one who went and got engaged (although it went bad and I’m married to a different man now)… bought a car and a house all by the time I was 23. My ‘friends’ were not even close to being at that point in their lives so I guess I didn’t fit in with them anymore. Now, I can say with ease that my hubby is my bestie although sometimes I do long for a girlfriend. Our group of friends are great, but they were all his who I have met over the years. I just don’t know how to meet anyone close to me! lol

    Virtual friends are where it’s at anyways! 😉

  13. I want to be your friend!!
    I have a close group of friends, but we arent the type that we all get together all the time. Just on occasion. We all have our own busy lives, but are able to pick up where we left off from the last time. I do have a few I try to see on a semi-regular basis.

    In high school I had two best friends and when I started dating my then boyfriend, we stopped being friends. At the time I didnt understand why, but in growing up and looking back, I see why (at least some of it). We connected later in life, but I dont think we will ever have that same type of friendship. I was so heartbroken for so long.

    You should join some local groups as a way to meet people. I tell myself to do that, but I dont like doing those things alone. hahah

  14. Aww Ali I will be your friend! Hope you get out of your rut soon! I am looking forward to November and December too and doing whatever the heck I want with my workouts!

  15. I do NOT have a lot of friends because I am terrible at making friends. It’s really hard for me to put myself out there enough to get close to people. Once someone starts talking to me, though, I am good and you can’t get me to shut up ;). We moved a few years ago (from where I lived for 27 years) to a new state and I have had to basically start over- blah.

  16. I have definitely been sort of in a down lately after riding quite high for a while…
    some of this down has to do with others judging me, but a lot of it has to do with me judging myself.

    I’ve always felt I didn’t have a lot of friends and I still feel that I am not great at conversation, I don’t know why…I love to talk but for some reason when I’m sitting down with someone I can’t find the right things to talk about. So basically I’m socially awkward (jk, kinda :))

    I have had a few really good friends although some of them I have drifted apart from, and one of my best friends who brought out the best in me and who I felt really comfortable around moved away.

    So I feel your pain, oh, and one more thing to add, I find that sometimes workouts help me through bad times, and sometimes all I want to do is curl up and watch tv (and read blogs like yours ;)), don’t know what makes the difference, but I try to just go with the flow.

    I apologize for rambling, but I doubt anyone made it through this lengthy comment anyways! (Kudos if you did! :))

  17. Wow, I refer to you ALL THE TIME, as if we are friends already! I first started following you when those monthly exercise calendars came my way via FB, and you really helped me by posting demo videos for the exercises, then you posted all the revised types I could do, because I am 53 and knee-wobbly! I *still* do my exercises the way you showed me to! I show others what you showed me! There are people who love you that you do not even know!

    Look, all I can say is, by the time you get to my age, you have gone through some icky crap, and that icky crap separates the middle-school girls from the real women. That chick who dropped you when you got pregnant? In time, you will spot the phoniness of a warped person like her instantly, and won’t even go there.

    I have only a few very good old friends, and I do not need to see them constantly to remain close. It just works that way with the real ones, and though you may be in a dry spell right now, I promise it will not always be that way! My job causes lots of people in town to see me on a daily/weekly basis, so I have a wide acquaintanceship, but only a few people I call friends, and some of those are 500 miles away, or more.

    This, too, shall pass, Girlfriend, and you will be even stronger!

  18. :-( I’m sad, I hear you, I feel lonely sometimes as well …. all my friends (my very best friends) are or have moved to Australia or going back to South Africa and it breaks my heart; you try stay in touch but thats all it is “trying” :'(

    Team Hugs xxx

  19. It’s hard when your old to make friends, now that I have kids I make some mm friends(well not even real friends), but some of them I can’t stand, all they do is talk about their kids which honestly bores the hell out of me, having kids doesn’t mean I lost all my personality and outside interests)

    Oops,I’m ranting on your blog.

    Sorry your having a craptime, I’m having such a crap time that I’m not even bogging, sick, husband traveling, sick twins, half marathon comming up in 2 weeks and I haven’t been able to run in like forever.
    Sigh.

  20. I’m so sorry. Didn’t know you we’re feeling low hon. I have very few friends and find as I get older the number can be counted on one hand. Quality friendship is truly what matters. Xoxoxoxo

  21. I hate those kinds of funks! But then something awesome will happen and you will just appreciate it more!

    Friends are definitely difficult to make as an adult even, blogging really is an awesome community. You’ve got a friend in Philly :)

  22. It took me years to develop a friendship base once I’d had kids. I relied on family a lot. But once the kids got to a certain age I started to meet other Mums, some that I really got on well with. And once I joined a running group it became easier again. After all we all had something in common.

  23. Aww, I’m glad that you and Lyndsey were able to go and talk! Funny that you ran into your brother!

    I don’t really have any close friends anymore, I am starting to develop some new friendships from running but I also lost my best friend. Right now I’m fine with it, but hopefully someday we can be friends again but if not that’s alright too.

  24. Ali Mc, this makes me want to sneak off from Seattle and head to Canada just to give you a hug. I knew I should have packed my passport! Seriously though, if you ever need anything or just want to talk you know how to find me!

  25. Hi there, I’ve just started following your great blog.

    Sorry you’re having a down period. I defo get them, and am prone to depression. I tend to just let these periods take their course and minimise any stresses on my life at the time. Hope you feel better soon. Walking is so therapeutic isn’t it!

    I don’t think I have a best friend. I have a few close girlfriends, but I guess my husband is my best friend. I think it’s harder to make close friends when you’re older, for sure. I have lost a best friend- not for any good reason. She got married and moved away and just never bothered staying in touch, despite my efforts. It still bothers me but nevermind.

    Feel better soon xxx

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